When you step back into the workplace after maternity leave, it can feel like you’ve landed in a parallel universe. On the outside, you may look the same. You might even be wearing the same work clothes, sitting at the same desk, with the same job title.

But inside? Everything feels different.

Motherhood changes you in ways no one can fully prepare you for. Your identity, your priorities, and even your confidence can shift overnight. And yet, workplaces often expect you to return as if nothing has changed.

In a powerful conversation on the Working Mumma podcast, leadership coach, HR strategist, and mum of four Sarah Gibbins shared her story and wisdom on navigating the transition back to work. What emerged was a refreshingly honest exploration of identity shifts, guilt, and rebuilding confidence as a working mum.

The Identity Shift No One Talks About

Sarah described having her first child as an identity earthquake.

“I’d always defined myself by my career,” she explained. “When I had my first child, suddenly, I didn’t care as much anymore. And then I felt lost. If I wasn’t this career person, then who was I?”

This experience is incredibly common. Research shows that over 80% of mothers feel their sense of identity changes after having children. Yet it’s rarely discussed openly.

The truth is, maternity leave isn’t just a “pause” in your career. It’s a transformation. Your values evolve. Your priorities shift. And the old version of you no longer exists in the same way.

Instead of resisting this, Sarah encourages women to view it as an evolution rather than a loss. “You’re not who you were before — and that’s okay. This is growth, not failure.”

Guilt, “Shoulds,” and the Mental Load

If there’s one universal experience among working mums, it’s guilt. Studies suggest that 98% of mothers report feeling mum guilt at some stage.

But as Sarah points out, not all guilt is created equal.

“Guilt was designed as a human emotion to show us when we’ve gone against our own values,” she explained. “But most of the guilt working mums feel isn’t about values — it’s about ‘shoulds.’ The expectations of others that we take on as our own.”

This distinction is powerful. If guilt comes from violating your true values, it’s worth reflecting on. But if guilt comes from “I should be doing this” or “they expect that from me,” then it’s not yours to carry.

As Sarah put it, “Stop should-ing all over yourself.”

Reframing guilt as either value-based or expectation-based gives you permission to let go of the noise and focus on what really matters to you.

Confidence After Kids: Rebuilding the Muscle

Another common challenge is confidence. Many women returning to work feel like imposters in their own careers. After months (or years) of feeding schedules, nappies, and child wrangling, it’s easy to doubt your professional capabilities.

“Confidence is like a muscle,” Sarah said. “It’s built through small actions. You don’t get it all back at once. You rebuild it by taking action, even when you’re scared.”

She encourages mums to start small: celebrate sending that first work email, surviving the first meeting, or remembering your computer login. Each step builds confidence.

As Mel Robbins says, confidence comes from action. Sarah agrees — but adds that reflection is equally important. “It’s not just taking the step. It’s pausing afterwards to say, ‘I did that. I didn’t die. I learned something.’ That’s how you strengthen your self-belief.”

Balance is a Myth — Integration is the Goal

One of the most refreshing takeaways from Sarah’s story is her rejection of the word “balance.”

“Balance sets us up to fail,” she said. “It assumes everything can be split neatly, 50/50. But life doesn’t work that way. It’s not balance — it’s integration.”

Instead of striving for an impossible balance, Sarah recommends thinking of life as spinning plates. Sometimes the “work” plate needs more attention, sometimes it’s the “kids” plate, sometimes it’s your “partner” or “self” plate. The goal isn’t to keep them perfectly balanced, but to move between them with intention.

This mindset shift can take away so much pressure and guilt from working mothers. Integration acknowledges that you’re a whole person, with multiple identities and priorities — all valid and important.

Asking for Help Isn’t Weakness

One of Sarah’s strongest messages was about asking for help.

“Too many of us try to be perfect and do it all. But asking for help is a superpower,” she said. “It signals trust and builds relationships. People actually want to help.”

Whether it’s in the workplace or at home, allowing yourself to lean on others not only lightens your load but also models healthy interdependence for your children.

A Season, Not Forever

For mums struggling with the juggle, Sarah offered one simple but powerful reframe: it’s just a season.

Yes, the days can feel long, overwhelming, and chaotic. But in the span of your life and career, this phase is temporary.

Sarah recalled her husband’s advice when they were buried under childcare costs: “This is just treading water. It’s an investment in your career and our future. It’s not forever.”

That perspective shift — from “stuck” to “investing in the future” — can bring enormous relief.

What Employers Need to Hear

While much of the responsibility falls on mums, Sarah is clear: leaders and workplaces have a huge role to play in easing the transition back to work.

“Managing return-to-work is a leadership capability,” she said. “The best thing a manager can do is sit down and ask, ‘What do you need? What’s going to work for you?’ Everyone’s experience is different.”

Employers who fail to support returning mothers risk losing incredible talent. Studies show that supportive return-to-work policies lead to higher retention, engagement, and productivity.

Final Words of Advice

So what would Sarah tell her younger, pre-motherhood self?

“It’s going to be okay. You’ll learn more about yourself than you ever imagined. Life won’t be linear, but every challenge is an opportunity. Keep going.”

And for mums returning to work now?

“You can have whatever you want — but maybe not all at the same time. Allow interruptions, allow time, and the less you resist, the easier it gets.”

 

Listen now to episode 172 of the Working Mumma podcast

Listen on Apple Podcast or Spotify

Connect with Sarah on LinkedIn or her website neonpeople.co